Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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