I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
