I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize