She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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