I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
