Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
