Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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