So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
