I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
