This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
