ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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