I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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