If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
