I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
