winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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