the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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