sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
