If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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