sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
