Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
