I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
