the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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