Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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