it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
