Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
