New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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