I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
