there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
