Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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