I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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