I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
