I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
