Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
