I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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