My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
