GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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