I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
