She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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