reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
