so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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