Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
