What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
