My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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