i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
