i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think my moral compass just broke
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