once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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