Betty ford says i'm here all night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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