my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
