you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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