so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
