Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
