glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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