I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
