hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
