Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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