Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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