So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
