You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
