Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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