my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
