she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
