carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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