He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
