Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
