this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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