Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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