Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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