is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
