I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize